THE STORY OF ZIA

Position, power, pasture surrounded dwelling, luxury car, fat bank balance, family and friends give life a vacation from worries. A person often undergoes such experience, most often while dreaming. Things are totally opposite in real time. Life appears to be entirely different in real world. Goals are not easily accomplished and target not effortlessly achieved. It happens that you are not only required to take care of your own self but also of people around you in the family and especially ageing and ailing parents.

It doesn't end there, cut throat competition, soaring inflation and company closures drains out the patience in you. You feel lonely and isolated not knowing what to do and where to go. When you are in the midst of such a phase an unexpected arrival of a friend, a relative or a well-wisher with an overseas job-offer provides you a much needed solace; it happens to be a soothing for a moment, till the time your eye fall on your aging parents meddling with something in the backyard.

Caring of parents and compulsions of life often never come to terms. They prefer to take diagonally opposite directions. Zia too, had to take decision. His conscious would not allow him to leave his parents but the pathetic condition his family was going through couldn’t be neglected. He chose to fly to the desert land of Saudi Arabia and landed in Al-Jubail.

I was introduced to him by my friend Bipin. Zia used to run a laundry. He was an embodiment of energy, whatever he did, he did it fast, I never saw slackness in any of his act while working on the ironing machine or doing the delivery. Frequent visit to his shop brought me closer to him. Sometimes he would get emotional, would ask me to wait and rush to the shop next door and returns with a can of soft drinks or Juice. I would often deny but he would not listen. I learned that weekend for him was a day of pizza, pepsi and playing cricket; at times he would insist me to join him.

Running the laundry was not easy. Though working hard from morning 08.00 till 11.00 in the night; handling man, money and machine was not easy. Meeting customer commitment and a machine breakdown would send him crazy. At times he had to arrange money and get the machines repaired. These was not all, he had to be simultaneously caring on the home front. On the request of his relatives he got married though a telephonic consent only to bring home a caretaker for his ageing parents. This marriage didn't last long. His hope of doing something for his aging parent was short lived.

One day on a visit to his shop I found him cheerful. I asked him the reason. He told that he had won a lottery of ten thousand Riyals. I inquired into the matter. I asked him: Did you buy a lottery ticket. No, he said, I received a call; it said the telephone company in a random selection picked up my cell number. It than asked me to buy six hundred Riyals worth of recharge coupons, scratch the numbers and enter them in to the system to pay for the administration charges for the delivery of the prize. He continued: “but I sense something fishy”. In between his phone rang, it was the same person on the line, asking for some more recharge coupons. Zia showed no interest. The other person insisted not to deny the wish of God; instead gracefully accept his mercy and blessing, and cooperate to complete the formalities. Zia started feeling cheated. He demanded his money back. The person on the other end demanded fifty riyal recharge coupon as administrative charges to full the money out of the system.

No explanation was required. Zia understood the intention of the person on the other end. With heavy heart he cut the line and got back to work. Few customers entered the shop. I too left the shop assuring him to come back the next day. As I walked back to my room I was trying to guess the turmoil Zia was going through. He had borrowed few bucks to buy the recharge coupons and had promised the lender to payback tomorrow.

In cheating even God is not spared.

UPDATES AND LIKES-2

Willful updates are updates where a person on his own furnishes updates. One (Makarand) of my friends always wants to be on the forefront of his socializing world. He wants to draw attention. He is a facebook-savvy person. He never misses an opportunity to put his hand on it. The very famous quote “where there is a will there is a way” aptly suits him. The moment he leaves his home an update would pop us. “On the way to Damaam airport” and few minutes later the next update “At Damaam airport” and then “Ready to board the plane”, “Airborne”, “Just landed at Mumbai Airport”, “At the immigration”, “On the way to home” and finally “At home”

Recently during the Eid vacation he had been to Qatar to visit Sudheendra and Geeta. By default up came a post with a vulture on his hand and the camels by the oasis. One of the benefits is the crew which was travelling with him automatically appeared in the posts they did not have to toil for getting update. He believes that “Idle mind is a devils workshop” and being facebook-savvy is one of the activity that keeps him busy.  He makes sure that this quote works well with his fans and followers. If not from the lap-top then from mobile but they have to like if not comment on his post. After all it is a question of survival in the socializing world. It is not only him but the crew members in the post who get likes and comments. After all it is the tally of likes and comments that matter.

Who doesn’t like to be liked? A benchmark is set to get a numbers of likes. And then starts the game; there are recommendation floating on the facebook, Sir please like it, hello dear please like. In the end, “Thank you all” I achieved this many “Likes”

Some of the facebook account-holders are so obsessed with their post that you see it being repeated over a period of time like the seasons in a year. All posts those get uploaded on the facebook can be broadly categorized into informative, religious, political, well wishing, help seeking, reactions.

One different post that I see often is a picture of oneself and below is written “I like myself”, another one is, if you are a teacher “like this”, if you are a sectarian “like this”, if you are a humanitarian “like this”, if you are a vegetarian “like this”, if you are non-vegetarian “like this”.

The labor pain had started and a lady was about to deliver a baby at a hospital. Finally when she was through, she with a tablet in her hand and the facebook page opened, inquired “Doctor tell me, whether it is a boy or a girl” I want to update my status. Not only did that lady update the status but along with her, her husband, her daughter, her son, and I leave it for you to guess…And don’t forget the likes. It seems, facebook too believes “Idle mind is a devils workshop” and keeps you busy.

UPDATES AND LIKES-1

Two days before writing this blog I received a mail written in Arabic. The only English that I could read was please update your information otherwise your account can be freezed. I took a print out and rushed to the bank. After fifteen minutes when my turn came the person on the other side of the counter said your informations are up to date, you may relax.

We live in an IT (Information Technology) age so much so that we have a graduation, post-graduation and even an MBA in IT.  Side by side the academic educations there are workshops conducted on ethical hacking and after the workshop; to be ethical or unethical is left up to the participants wish and will.

Updating information falls in two categories namely forceful updating and willful updating. The update you are required to furnished in exchange of getting your work done is forceful updating. To get the work done in a government office or a bank you may be demand information about any of the card that follows namely the election commission card, the ration card, the ATM card, ATM cum debit card, the credit card, PAN card, the latest one Adhar card and may be the passport.

Once my friend Rajeev Pillai who works for Hadded got stuck-up updating his profile for he was asked to furnish information he did not have, the system would not move further from the page he was in. In Saudi Arabia one is allowed four marriages. As he started updating his profile, the system asked his first wife’s name, having put the name as he pressed the enter key the next page that appeared asked his second wife’s name; now what to do, he did not have a second wife. He thought it wise to ask his wife. As he put across his question to his wife, she told that she was helping her brother with the same situation. Somehow with dummy character he managed to have four wives and ended the trouble. If you don’t confide in me than also you have to for he has himself confessed this in his Division Conference Humorous Speech. The likes that he received were not virtual likes but were real likes for he stood smiling as he bagged the second place winner.

Providing fake information can reward you and remand you. It is just like tossing a coin. It also matters who is at the receiving end. Rajeev was lucky enough to have the judges at the receiving end who awarded him with a trophy but if the person on the receiving end is either a police man or a judge than things could turn otherwise and your fortune can topsy-turvy into a tragedy.

The order of the day is information, fake or real, you have to provide. It is up to you to decide what to opt and do not forget that the tally of likes will surely be proportional to the decision you make. See you next time with UPDATES AND LIKES-2  

MENTORING TOASTMASTERS

We often come across terms like examiner-examinee, trainer-trainee, assessor-assessee, coacher-coachee & mentor-mentee. In these pair of words the former is the origin of an action and the later is an end to an action. These actions are known as examining, training, assessing, coaching and mentoring respectively.Mentoring is a means of providing help, guidance, and support to other persons who are often younger or less experienced. It is a role rather than a profession. A mentor is a volunteer role model, or a leader who is committed and consistent in his or her helping relationship with the other party who is usually a student or co-worker. Unlike teachers or advisors, mentors often share a personal relationship with their mentees.

In a Toastmasters club the moment a member is inducted, he is formally assigned a mentor. A careful study of the Competent Communication Manual reveals the nature of each project. These projects can be broadly classified into “Planning Project” and “Execution Projects”.

Project:1 Ice Breaker,focuses on “Execution” (A person in the first attempt is required to face the audience), Project:2 Organize your speech, focuses on “Planning” (It needs to have a structure, namely an opening, a body and a conclusion interwoven with appropriate transition), Project:3 Getting to the point, focuses on “Planning” (The project need to have a general purpose and a specific purpose), Project:4 How to say,focuses on “Planning” (It is all about choosing proper words and framing proper and easily understandable sentences), Project:5 Your body speaks, focuses on “Execution” (It is all about of putting eye gesture, facial expression and body movement to use), Project:6 Vocal variety, focuses on “Execution” (It deals with putting voice, volume, pitch and rate to create desired effect), Project:7 Research your topic focuses on “Planning” (It deals with collecting information from different source and aligning them to support your point and opinion), Project:8 Get comfortable with visual aids, focuses on “Execution” (It deals with getting used to handling different visual aids), Project:9 Persuade with power, focuses on both “Planning and Execution” (It deals with analyzing the audience and appealing to their interest using carefully chosen words, logic and emotions through body language and vocal variety), Project:10 Inspire your audience , focuses on both “Planning and Execution” (This project intends to inspire the audience personally, professionally, emotionally, spiritually, in a mood of fellowship and shared interest aided by emotion, drama and stories to move to the next higher level)

Out of the 10 projects 4 projects focuses on planning, 4 on execution and 2 on a mix of planning and execution. The mentor has a broader scope and more freedom to work in the planning projects to help his mentee gain more ground but in the execution project he has limited liberty of just guiding. It all depends on the learning and adapting ability of the mentee. While monitoring the progress of the mentee a mentor in his wisdom should exert more leverage on the planning projects and skillfully guide through the execution projects. In the final two projects he should advise and suggest only where needed and allow his mentee to walk and work alone and erect.

If the mentor on one hand doesn't bother getting bothered while bothering his mentee and if the mentee on the other hand doesn't bother being bothered completing his Competent Communication Manual, I think he is ready to take up the Advance Communication track and complete it hassle-free.  

MENTORING AS I SAW

The affinity of sodium to oxygen is such that if put in water it spontaneously combines with oxygen in the molecule of water. Carbon needs heat to combine with oxygen. Some elements need pressure and some need a catalyst for the reaction to happen. The inert elements never react. Reaction is all about forming a bond; it may be strong or weak. 

On the first day as a guest at the Elite Toastmasters Club I found Toastmasters a better platform to express ideas. I enter Toastmasters for two reasons, firstly for creativity secondly to hone my speaking skill. In the Toastmasters a members is formally assigned a mentor. Soon came the contest, I participated and lost. Having put in the best of my learning when the results don’t come through, it means I missed somewhere. I tried to understand reasons related to my failure through paying a visit to many senior Toastmasters, but in vain.

Not losing hope, I continued to learn. This learning started reflecting while I was on the podium and, then started coming, the assignment on mentoring; mentoring Youth Leaders and club members.

In jobbing it is the same raw material with a given specification on which a repetitive processing is done to get a predetermined product of desired specification.

In mentoring it is not so; every time you get a mentee with a different specification it can be: a boy, a girl, a man, a woman, adventurous, non-adventurous, receptive to ideas, partially receptive to ideas, married, bachelor and so on and so forth. All these specification help one to build a mentoring plan. For a club member a mentor also needs to look at why is he in for and whether he would prefer fast track, a medium paced track or a slow track.

Having set a plan, then comes its execution. Sincerity in execution sets the mentor- mentee relation in good tone. Mentoring is different from taking a lecture of mathematics, physics, chemistry or zoology. It always demands creativity, something new always. This is what keeps the mentee glued with you. He starts enjoying being with you, learning from you; on the other hand the you too get enriched. A mentor is able to see his mentee shaping up. It does not necessary imply that the mentee also sees the same.  

It is with this wisdom that I had to push a mentee through the contest. The aftermath of the contest left him with no words. He was holding a trophy in his hand. The mentor sees what the mentee does not see. One more similar incident did take place with a different mentee. A mentee sees inability, a mentor sees ability. It is a paradigm shift in perception.

At times a mentor is required to work on other end to get things done on this end; that brings in sound connectivity and induces confidence in the relationship.

A teacher teaches, a trainer trains, a coach coaches and a doctor dispenses but a mentor walks an extra mile. Mentoring is a relation which starts on a simple note but doesn't end, but doesn't die; once a mentor, always a mentor. Mentoring is all about creating affinity for learning, up keeping affinity for learning.

Mentoring a spectrum of people ranging from teachers to students (college and school) and industrial to non-industrial employees has been a rewarding experience for me.

THE STORY OF SAMINA MAZHER

“Love my love, where are you?" was my biggest flop speech. The audience understood all other aspect of the speech except the aspect that I wanted them to understand. The central character of the speech is a lady in “VEIL”. The veil in the speech epitomizes separation of two personalities. Close on the heels of an apparent personality there exists a hidden personality which goes unnoticed. More often, there is more than what appears to the eyes; it may be appealing, interesting and appreciable.

While the periodic table was being worked upon and elements were being randomly discovered; at times a gap between two elements would predict a missing element.

My flop speech too; was a prediction, which rose from the depth of my belief and Samina comes in as a befitting example to it. Far from being a woman entrepreneur, a teacher, a mother of a collegian son and a schooling daughter, the student in her is still alive.

2011, Area 63 contest provided an opportunity to work together; I was the chief judge and she the contest chair. It was a last minute assignment but she was not deterred instead committed to work it out and give her best. At the contest she performed flawlessly and the contest ended hassle free.

All around us we have deserving and nearly deserving persons; slight boosting, a bit of motivation, an ounce of encouragement aided with an opportunity would set them rolling on their path of success and progress. I am always on the hunt for such people and never miss an opportunity to offer an assignment and in line with this, once I offered to help her complete her communication manual.

Unaware of her priorities I kept on pursuing from time to time. It was only around Nov 2013 that she was comfortable setting out time for herself to the extent of 06 hours per week. I too, was hard pressed with time. We both were optimistic and we started with CC-04, developing the speech in line with the objectives of the project and then rehearsing on it. She mused working with words, feeling the spirit behind the words and expressing her feelings.  As the project neared perfection of delivery I would start looking for speech slots in different clubs. Along with working on the project she had also to simultaneously be focused on the UCMAS ABACUS classes and the flow of events there. The preparation for those events would demand time, attentions, and energy on personal level and leadership skills while guiding her class instructors at the team level. Justice to the quantum of work that she dealt with would not have been possible without the caring and tireless support of her husband Mazher Hussain.

We were able to complete three projects, the fourth project was ready but work at the UCMAS ABACUS again demanded her attention. Practice sessions were yet to happen. Life is so; we strive to progress, life strives to regress; in time we experience a tug of war, sometimes a push and sometimes a pull. A series of such pushes and pulls makes what we call life. All such pushes and pulls provide us lessons to learn and paths to plan. To me, every click of the clock makes life beautiful and there is something new to learn, The few weeks spend in mentoring  Samina has strengthened my belief and given me joy of having done something constructive.

LEAVING THE OFFICE

Planning and persistence has been the key area of my focus when I take up any work, but these areas are related to smooth nature of tasks. Some tasks creep up suddenly demanding quick address and so prioritizing becomes another key area. My profession “Training” pertains to service sector and therefore customer satisfaction becomes more important. My job demands efficient handling of persistence, planning and prioritization.

Heading for the days end, every minute passing by counts and I get more focused in my work, the target that I set at the start of the day needs to be completed. These targets are self-set in anticipation of the work that needs to be finished by a target date.

A white board hang on the wall on which certain statistical data are displayed, these data are updated every day at the time I leave my office. It relieves me from answering anybody who comes looking for them. Someday I am able to complete all set-task and achieve the target. A feeling of joy and satisfaction grips when all of the tasks get done right on time; all days are not same and sometimes a backlog happens which automatically sets the target for the next day. At times I get so much engrossed in work that it takes Abdullah to remind me “Dear it’s TTGH” (Time to go home). Sometimes his flavor of calling off a day would would change and would ask me “Whether I am going home or not?”. That ends the day with laughter. The computers are shut down, air conditioned switched off and the door shut.

Me and Abdullah climb down the staircase and arrive on the road, the sun is bright and comparatively soft, he is gentler now a day. It is a five minute walk to gate # 04. Having crossed the gate, wishing each other good bye (Masalama) we approach our cars.

Though being in the open for more than 08 hours; this lady (Toyota, Yaris) has been waiting patiently till now, she is a bit excited and I need to cool her down. I pull down the glasses to ventilate her anger (the trapped hot air) and slowly joggle the key into the ignition lock. She has been an excellent companion on the road, never ditched me and always made commuting an enjoyable experience. 

Gate 04 is left behind and I am on the verge of taking highway # 218; approximately 800 meters towards Jubail 02, I have to take a left turn to join the Al-Khafji-Dammam highway.   A matter of few minutes can increase the traffic on the highway as employees from the industrial area rush to reach home. Once shouldn’t be surprised if a car behind flashes light asking one to give way even if there isn’t. One needs to get accustomed to the road realities of Saudi Arabia.

Saudi Arabia is known for oil, for two holy mosques, for dates and for highest number of road accidents. Driving is a passion for Saudis, I saw a video on car driving, showcasing a dare devil feat which no person of any other nationality can do.  On the highway I could see some tyre marks, may be these are marks of such feats. It has been windy today. A gust of wind at times push my car on one side; I need to be cautious not to dash into the car beside me.

Within few moments I will take the exit and be on the King Faisal West road. The round-about is an accident prone area; having passed it, few minutes of driving takes me to my building. Yes I could see the gate of my building; as she comes to halt again I need to pat her. Once in the home it would be time for a hot cup of ginger tea, news and getting lost in my own world till next morning.

Day in and day out as I commute from home to office and office to home, I find that Saudi men are white (Tope) and women are black (Abaya), whether is hot and the roads are wide, economy is rich and people are generous.

Not to forget Saudi Arabia is a land of opportunities and surprises.

REACHING THE OFFICE

It is darkness all around, can’t see anything but I can feel myself, slowly regaining consciousness, deep sleep has just started phasing out but still I am gripped in its hang over. The alarm set in the mobile blares up cautioning me “time and tide wait for none” and you need to leave your bed. I have been many a time asked in the table topics “Is technology a boon or a bane?” I have always felt it to be a boon and the snooze button comes on friendly. The second time I press the stop button I am fully awake.

The whole night during the sleep the body was busy digesting dinner and working on various systems. The acceptability of a drug and cleansing of toxic is most favored by the body during sleep; perhaps that is why god made sleep and night. An urge to have a ginger flavored tea is intensifying. I let the tea brew on the stove so that the essence of tea and ginger are extracted to make my morning unique. 

Positioned in the chair I wish to make the most of the moment and the tea which has mischievous intentions of tinkling my nostrils by its aroma that emanates from its captivity. Tea sessions used to be joint affairs in the past. It has been years it happens to be a lonely affairs. However she is still there in the realms of my memory but she doesn't talk with me. Living a lonely life for a long time leaves you in a love affair; yes I have started loving my loneliness. As the last sip disappears and the cup turns empty it is time for me to get fresh.   

Few minutes later as I stand in front of my blue lady (Toyota, Yaris) she appears sparkling new and ready to receive me; perhaps Kohinoor gave her a bath late night. I often remember the caution on the cartoon box “Fragile, handle with care”, ladies and cars are alike. If handled with care the live long and they live lively.

Once at the wheels a gentle push on the throttle sets her in motion. I take the Jeddah street up to the four way crossing near Khonaini pharmacy, I need to turn right and take the King Faisal West Street. There are long lines of palm trees in the center and sides of this street. Saudi Arabia is a land of surprises. Within minutes the climate can turn windy, the roads can turn sandy, the air can turn humid and a barren roadside can turn palmy (with palm trees) overnight. The authorities crane-lift big palm trees and plant it on the road sides. There are labors in Saudi Arabia but the main approach remains machine oriented.

I am heading in the opposite direction but once I reach the Anabeeb office I will take the service road and join the main traffic of highway leading to Al-Khafji residential area. It will put me in the right direction.

The dyke of the service road is silted with heaps of sand; a stretch of approximately 700 meters. I am on the verge of joining the main stream traffic of Al-Khafji highway, one needs to be cautious while entering a high speed traffic. I have positioned myself in the middle lane; the odometer indicating between 100 and 110 kms and the rpm around 2500. Jubail one has started appearing. Within minutes I will be taking exit 04 climbing the ramp and on the Highway 218 with joins Jubail 01 and Jubail 02.

I am on the highway # 218;  my office just two signals away; a left turn and then again a left brings me in front of Gate # 04. I pull my foot off the throttle and my lady slows down eventually coming to a halt. I pat her on the steering for keeping company. 

I walk through the gate wishing "Salam (Hello)" to the security guard. It is the receding phase of winter. The whole week it has been cool and pleasant. The mild breeze lifting and dropping the tuft of hair on my forehead; my cheeks going cool, I have reached building # 18, smiles and wishes from my colleagues fill the ambiance. Abdullah is there with his Saaba Al-Kher((Good morning), Kay Falik (How are you?), Tayeeb (OK?); good motivations to start a day, my had stretched and fingers switching the computer on and get lost in the days work. See you later with "Leaving the Office"

THE STORY OF SAMRIDH

When difficulties come; they come not single, they come in hordes. This saying turned out to be a reality for Venkat Devrajan, the chief coordinator of YLP. It is only the chief coordinator who bears the brunt when an unwanted or an undesired circumstance is encountered. Disregarding technical difficulties and resource shortfall, handling around 30 youth leaders is a challenging job. A job that can send one’s night sleepless and one’s stress escalated. Absence of a mentor increases one’s worries double fold. One more mentor had to leave the kingdom on emergency reasons. Time and tide wait for none; any shortage of resources hard or soft had to be met. A mentor had to be arranged for youth leader Samridh.

Apart from Toastmastering I and Venkat were good friends, I already had three mentees, but there was no other way left. I was asked to help Samridh; I consented.

Generally elders put big ideas and tall talks before the children. They forget that the person to whom they are talking is not big as they are, as big as them in experience, as big as them in thinking, as big as them in ideology. Every child is different and each one needs to be dealt differently. One can get a thing done from a child but the other child perhaps needs a different way to accomplish the same. Certain traits of person are inborn or habitual. Say for example accent, proper pronunciation is essentially important in the delivery of a speech. A slight variation can alter the meaning of an idea or can confuse the listener, one has very little control over it and overcoming it may require a long time. Accent has its roots in the family he belong to or to the region he is from.

The same day Samridh and his father visited me in the evening. He had brought along with him his speech. No sooner did we settled down he expressed that he didn’t like the speech, he didn’t enjoy the speech and it would be difficult for him to deliver that speech.

I asked “what is the thing that you like the most?”, he replied “Cricket”, I continued how if your speech starts with cricket that too with a climax scene. He immediately agreed. Leaving the speech with me the father and son went home wearing a smile, the father with satisfaction that his son’s worry was gone and the son with an assurance that I will be doing a speech of my liking. 

The next day we started rehearsing. I would explain him the pace of word, and the instance to raise and lower it, the emotion expressed by the pace. I also would explain him the importance of pauses in a speech and how they added value to the speech, instilled confidence in the speaker and casted an impression on the audience.

Some children involuntarily happen to be themselves, they would listen to you but when they perform you can’t see much difference in their later performance and the previous performance. It is not that they don’t want to but it simply doesn't happen. The best solution is to give time and work persistently. 

Samridh happened to be himself. Working with him, I liked his commitment and the contentment that he carried while he performed. He did complete his project successfully. Irrespective of the quantum of learning. I know all children learn but with varying pace. For me it was an opportunity for understanding Samridh.

THE STORY OF SREEJA

Learning, teaching and facilitating are the three phases of life and the same happens in the Toastmasters too. As a speaker you first learn the basic tools of communication, you implement them in the advance communication, teach them during evaluation and later on facilitate teaching by conducting a Youth Leadership Program or a Speech Craft Program. This is one of the requirements of the Advance Communication Gold and the person who conducts this program is the chief coordinator.

YLP is a series of 12 events spanning over 3 months being conducted every week and during these period come numerous problems, expected and unexpected. Some of them are manageable and some beyond ones control. Around 25 to 30 school children ranging from standard 8 to 12 are selected. There are approximately half the number of mentors who assist these children with their assignments. 

Youth Leadership Program is a very tight-scheduled program. A participant cannot afford missing a single session; Sreeja a youth leader had fallen sick and was diagnosed for chicken pox; she had missed 4 sessions but timely medical attention helped her recover soon and she wished to pursue the program. Venkat Devrajan the chief coordinator of the program was a worried man. Sreeja’s recovery was a point for him to rejoice but he had an equally opposite point to regret. Sreeja’s mentor had to leave the kingdom on an emergency leave; the big question was who would guide her? She required special attention and more guidance without further delay.

It was Friday afternoon, I received a call, Venkat was on the other end of the line. He continued: I have nothing to say but a request to make, can you help me out? I agreed. He asked if I could mentor one more child. I accepted. He explained me the case of Sreeja and expected me to act fast, he wanted me to reach him at his house and from there we together would visit her house.

Fifteen minutes later we were at Sreeja’s house, her family seated around hoping their daughter to get back in action. I was expected to help her with the International Speech. I asked if she had done some preparatory work on it. She replied in affirmation. Having talked with her to know her wish, hopes and commitment I asked her to send me the script. I would develop it and send it back to her. The next day we would be starting the rehearsal, by then she was asked to memorize it. 

That day, I worked till late in the evening and sent her the developed speech with a note to see her tomorrow evening at 05.00 pm. The next day at her home when we started the rehearsal, I found her facing difficulty in pronouncing certain words in the speech. Every person carries the dialect of his or her mother tongue. Very few are exceptions to it Sreeja too had the same problem. I decided to replace the tougher words with tougher words with softer words. I corrected the words and sent the speech to her.

The next day when I went to her house for the rehearsal, she continued with the tougher version. I asked her the reason. She simply said, she would prefer the tougher version. with everyday practice, the difficulty started disappearing and on the final day she made it; she was selected as the best speaker. Without bothering about the results all she knew was to believe in herself, believe in her mentor and give her best, the rest she left to GOD. See you next time with the STORY OF SAMRIDH. 

THE STORY OF AMATUL SAFI

It was May 2010, YLP mood at the Jubail Toastmasters Club. Venkat Devrajan was the Chief Coordinator. I was asked to mentor two children one of which was Amatul Safi the daughter of Mr. Mahmood and Mrs. Tahera Mahmood. Amatul had a younger brother who was a karate kid and his watchfulness seemed to me a trait of it. The family belonged to the state of Orissa in India.

As soon as the mentors were fixed, like every caring mother does, I received a call from Mrs. Tahera Mahmood so that the family could have a formal talk and get introduced with each other. Children are often shy when it comes to talking to a stranger and especially when it is a girl child. A girl child would always insist her mother to take the lead and set things right for her; the same was the case here. Mrs. Tahera, when she found that I was well versed with Hindi, she was happy for the reason that the communication during mentoring would not be a concern of worry.

The rendez-vous at their house started with a warm welcome. As we all settled down, Labeeb, Safi’s younger brother sat beside me. I gave them the primary explanation of what was Youth Leadership program. What were the phases Amatul we would be going through. There were four things to be done, first the ice-breaker speech, second the international speech, third the evaluation and lastly table topics.

The ice-breaker is a collection of memorable glimpses of one’s life. It is a self-introductory speech of 04 to 06 minutes. She did it well. Generally children find it easy to write about themselves but the real difficulty appears in writing an International speech; an international speech is a persuasive speech, a motivational speech or an inspirational speech.

One fine day I received a call from Mrs. Tahera asking me to help her out. As I inquired about the problem she told me that her daughter was complaining about not paying attention to her needs and that she preferred younger child Labeeb over her. Amatul wanted her mother to help her select a topic and a plot for the international speech; both were confused. I suggested why not consider the current scenario in the house for the speech content. I asked Amatul to write her feeling in whatever way she can. She eagerly wrote it and I meticulously developed it.

The story starts with a girl (Amatul) having preconceived thoughts, it revolves around an elderly character. At first she questions herself “What does a girl of 17 have in common with a man of 57?” she ignores this elderly figure who is her father’s friend whom she had never seen before. Few remarks from the elderly figure interests her and is drawn closer, later on she gets transformed and takes the right path. The story line was much closer to Amatul’s heart. I could she her best come out through her body language, command over English and well rehearsed delivery. She bagged the best speaker trophy. 

During the rehearsal Labeeb, Amatul's brother was a keen observer, and very much into it. He kept guessing about the elderly character (His father's friend); how come Amatul knows him and he doesn't? To quench his curiosity he surfed the net many times but couldn't get the answer. Unable to resist, he finally asked my "Who that person was?" I replied "it was me". The whole house bursted into laughter.

See you next time with THE STORY OF SREEJA.

THE STORY OF GANESH

The rush, the shouting, the crowdedness, the blaring horns, the emission spewing vehicles, the littered road and the stink were now nowhere to be felt. It had been two days, I was trying to acclimatize to my new residence A-II-254 in the Petrochemicals Township, sector II. It was a well-planned township with widely spaced rows of apartment in either side of the road. Come dusk and the parks would turn into a retiring ground for the aged, a discussion ground for the fathers, a gossip ground for the mothers and a playground for the children.

The township was newly constructed, the families had just moved in and the ladies were trying to make friends with each other. When the husbands were busy in the offices the ladies got busy with kitty parties.

Once a lady staying on the opposite side of the road straight in front of my apartment came to my wife and said “I have come to know that you are good teacher and I want you to help my son with his studies”. My wife said, that is not right, I do not teach but at times when your son has difficulty in understanding my husband can help him.

The next day the boy was at my house, we sat together, he had difficulty in understanding mathematics and it took around forty-five minutes to solve the problems he couldn't. He left wearing a smiling.

Few days later he turned up again, as usual it took around fifty minutes to solve his difficulties; few more visits revealed that he lacked the basic understanding of mathematics. I made it clear to him and asked him to work on it. He replied there is a problem with me, I am forgetful; I do not remember things. He left the place with this ending remark.

In his next visit, after solving his problems I asked him, Ganesh what was the movie that was screened in the open-air-theater the previous week? Can you help me recall it? He immediately replied, he further went on to the details of the star cast, the songs, the plot and the climax.

I told him when did you learn to lie? He was surprised, he said I never lie, every bit of information that I told you about the movie is correct to the best of my knowledge and belief. If somebody want to challenge me; I am ready to take up the challenge.

I told him how could the modus operandi of your brain be biased?  Why does it prefer to remember information about the movies and why does it prefer not to remember information about you studies. In my observations you have a fully functional brain; free from error. All that you need to do it reset your priorities and start liking it. When you start liking it; slowly and slowly you start loving it and when you start loving it you start seeing it big, you start seeing it clear, things become easier and joyous. You don’t forget. 

All stories do not have a happy ending; few weeks later the family moved to a different location and a couple of months later I came to know that Ganesh was absconding. This story happened in the late eighties. Perhaps if he happens to pass in front of me I may not be able to recognize him but my heart wishes him all the best wherever he is.

WHY DOESN’T A WIFE BECOME A GIRLFRIEND?

My heart is beating, keeps on repeating, I am waiting for you, cause love you know, time is fleeting, time is fleeting, time is fleeting. The fleeting of time one day surprises you when your ears catch the whisper “I am expecting”. For you it may be a slip into the dreamland of fatherhood but for her it is a change in her body contour, a change in her body chemistry, a change in her feelings, a change in her thought process and a change in her existence. She is trapped under the magic of motherhood and bliss of nature. The movement of the fetus inside her womb reminds her, that day are not far away, soon she would be blessed with a bundle of joy that would give meaning to her womanhood and joy to the family. The arrival of the baby send her eyes sparkling, face smiling and skin glowing. She has traveled a long way from being a girlfriend to becoming a wife and then from being a wife to becoming a mother.

She is a multitasking personality carrying the baby in her bosom and you in the heart; at time she is more attentive to her baby and less attentive to you. Everybody expects and demands attention, but there are realities to be looked at, at the same time. When attention seems to lessen relation seems to weaken, the bonding seems to loosen and anxiety seems to be risen.Pursuing our roles and duties, distances do creep in and these distances continue for life time. So what? Is not there a distance between the earth and the moon? Is not there a distance between the earth and the sun? These distances provide a room to be playful; it is when the sun moon and earth turn playful, eclipse occur and the whole world adjust their watching devices to watch this act. These celestial bodies have been playful since they came into existence.

Watching them does it occur in our mind to be playful? Perhaps we forget, and that is why the girlfriend in a wife dies a slow death every day.

The character of Himanshu (Pareshbhai) the movie Baghban beautifully portrays this act. When he speaks out a quote to his wife Shantiben, he never happens to do it right. His wife is sure he cannot do it, she always corrects him and remarks “Is you wish to quote a quote, do not mix, say one at a time.” But this never happens.

Himanshu (Pareshbhai) confesses in front of the Raj Malhotra (Amitabh Bachan) lead character, that it is her domination that cheers me up and for that reason only he misquotes, and will continue to misquote for the rest of his life only to see her smiling.    

My wife wittingly remarks about the size of my eye and asks are you able to see things properly? I tell her “I face difficulty looking to most of the things but when I want to see you, you appear distinctly clear”

She often talks about my forgetfulness; I admitted it with an exception. Aging has taken its toll but somehow I do not forget your birthday and our marriage anniversary.

Feb 14, 2014, I called her to wish a “Happy Valentine’s Day”. But before I could wish, I could feel her in my ears sounding the bells of a “Happy Valentine’s Day”

Gravity never weakens neither does love. It’s the perception and understanding that make the highs and the lows. By the way being a boyfriend and a girlfriend starts with love.

Be lovable, be playful, she has tuned in to be your wife but then you too need to fine tune and keep that girlfriend in her, alive.

A GIRLFRIEND BECOMES A WIFE …

When the breeze starts blowing and the grass starts bowing, a change is round.When the eyes start rolling and the heart starts throbbing, youth is round.When hormones start flowing, moustache starts peeping, contours start shaping, voice starts changing puberty is around. It is time for the advent of sweet teens.

Some of the process in nature occur noiselessly, evaporation and arrival of puberty; both result into accumulation, when the efforts of water vapor during evaporation reach certain height they unify and appear as clouds on the other hand when thoughts in puberty gain strength they result into ideology as such there are no fixed rules in both the process. Both process start with nothing and end up with something.

A cloud cannot remain in the sky forever, it has to pour down somewhere, it is just looking for a reason, maybe, a mountain barrier, may be a drop in temperature, may be a drop in pressure or heaviness. All it knows is to pour down but it does not know where, it is not in its control.

Ideology occurred as the outcome of puberty too cannot stay isolated, it too has to get rolling. When it sets rolling one gets attracted to the opposite sex, one starts liking the other sex but no one know why a boy starts liking a particular girl or why a girl likes talking to a particular boy. Reasons, opportunities and occasions are searched for, by both, the boy and the girl.

And wise man once said it and the youth continues to endorse it “Two is a company and three is a crowd” They enjoy the company of each other and shun the crowd and while keeping company, wishes are wished, flowers change hands, promises are made, tickets are bought, expectation raised and feeling showered.

The shower of rain drenches the earth, the fragrance of soil fills the air, the temperature, the humidity, the wetness are inevitable, they are sign of the ambiance getting inducible and overloaded; the earth cannot escape, it welcomes the monsoon and in acceptance dresses itself with greenery. Whether this beauty is the outcome of monsoon or her own wish is not a concern of my curiosity. My concern is to get lost in it.

The shower of feelings and emotions are so heavy that the time has come, the road is cleaned, the house is lit, music is just and dancing is a must. The air is filled with fragrance elevating the mood, as the sermons are read the girl appears in her bridal attire. In few moments a girlfriend will become a wife.

No doubt, she looks beautiful, the photographer will best freeze her beauty in frames but like the earth will her inner beauty be able to emerge and add to her apparent beauty, enhance the ambiance of the house she has come to, will the promises be kept, will the cheer and smile of her face be retained, will the girlfriend who accepted to become a wife be able to become a girlfriend again.

See you next time with WHY DOESN'T A WIFE BECOME A GIRLFRIEND?

GLIMPSES OF UNDERSTANDING

Education is a serious concern in India. Especially when the child is in grade 10 or 12. A bit of negligence can mislead a child’s life and liking. A child’s parents are much concerned; a slight change in the behavior pattern of the child puts them on the alert and restlessness.

It was Dec, 2003. The schools were coming to a close for the reading vacation. One day after dinner my wife expressed her concern over our son Vinayak. She said he is less interested in studies now a day. I find him whiling away time. He is in tenth grade and should work hard to get the line of his choice. Since last few weeks he doesn't take reading seriously. I told her that I will look into the matter. 

The next week I closely observed him and found my wife’s observation come true. Few days later I called him and said I wanted to talk to you. As he sat beside me I told him, at this moment consider me as your friend not as your father, tell me whatever is in your mind, pleasant or unpleasant anything would be acceptable to me.

He opened up, few weeks back I was with my friends, one of them opened up a topic on unemployment, there was long debate, in the end we left with a sad note, studies do not interest me now, there is so much of unemployment in the society, many graduates continue to stay unemployed and therefore it does not make sense getting a graduation.  

    

Affectionately I said, may god bless every parent with a son like you. He was astonished to hear this remark. I told him still there is time for you to shoulder my responsibility. When I will grow weak, I will myself ask you to shoulder my responsibility. As of now let us share my responsibility. Let me bother about investing in your education and I would request you to bother about your studies only, nothing but studies. Look at your mother she bothers about bringing meals on the table and I bother about bringing money at home.

Since that day, his journey took a slow but steady start. He pursued Aeronautical Engineering. He was more friendly and I was less fatherly.  Openness was the order of the day. He was free to express his opinion. Once he came up with a wish saying some day he would like to own a PULZAR, a newly introduced bike by Bajaj. I agreed. During his graduation I many a time reminded him, let us go and buy one. He always denied saying I will tell you at the appropriate time. He cleared his Masters in June 2012 with excellent grades. He was true then and he stood true now. Things hadn't changed. Campus interview didn't happen. He and his friends struggled to find a job. Any place he went, the employer asked for experience. Few places he attended the interview the experienced guys got selected. Finally after seven months he now serves DRDL and is now settled.

He still doesn't have a bike; I want to gift him one, on his birthday but he keeps on denying. He says it has been a long time, years on years; you have been fulfilling all my wishes with a smile. During that time I didn’t understand the value of Rupee but now when I am in the market to earn my livelihood, I realize what it takes to earn a rupee. I want to leave my life within my means.

I don't know from where he got this understanding but with every sunrise i find him more matured with every sunset i find him more calm.

GLIMPSES OF LOVE

God created human being, and endowed him with a pair of ears; but he did not create them alone, they were created along with a wish. From the day they were created them to the day they will be buried, they long for one thing. They always and always expect somebody, to say “I LOVE YOU”. Everyone is not lucky enough to listen this; but the presence of love can be experienced by us by observing action of the persons around you. So what if love doesn’t get translated into a verbal language, so what if it cannot fill the space in your ears, love has a different language and it is capable to fill the space around you and within you.

Two great personalities of pre and post independence era of India; Pandit Jawaharlal Nehru and Sardar Vallabhbhai Patel both had few similarities in life.

Nehru in 1916 married Kamala. In 1936 Kamala died at a young age of 37 due to tuberculosis. Nehru never remarried. Indira Gandhi the only child of Jawaharlal Nehru served as the Chief of Staff of her father's highly centralized administration between 1947 and 1964

Sardar Patel's was married to Jhaverba. In 1909, Jhaverba was hospitalized for a major surgical cancer operation. Her health suddenly worsened and despite successful emergency surgery, she died in the hospital. Patel himself decided against marrying again. Sardar Patel’s daughter Maniben stood by her father participated in the Non-Cooperation movement and the Salt Satyagraha. In the 1930s she became her father's personal aide, also caring for his personal needs. She served her father closely until his death in 1950.

Kiran Bedi, the first and highest ranking Indian woman who served Indian Police Service, was once asked. Would she like to be reborn? She replied “Only if she had the same parents.”

Bhumika my daughter, has some other plans, she is dedicated to disturb me if I am seriously lost in something; may be reading a newspaper or mending something. She wants to make her presence felt, she expects my attention.

Once I asked her let us assemble for lunch, she told, I am fasting today, I asked her, for what? She didn’t reply. Next week the same day she was there with us for the lunch. I inquired are you not fasting today? She said my fasting is rewarded. I asked, what is it? She coolly replied “You got selected for the job”. This little soul knew nothing big, but it knew, it could fast.

Before getting married she has once again demanded attention, reunion of family so that she can have quality time, she knows she is just and I know I need to respect.

Understanding concerns spread, and love concerns depth; we say he is a man of great understanding and she is deeply in love with him. Daughters never grow old and their love never gets shallow. Daughters are oceans of love, oceans have depth and so deep is the love of a daughter.

See you next time with "Glimpses of Understanding"

SIP-2

Engineering has two aspects, the pure aspect and the applied aspect, the classroom aspect and the field aspect likewise why can’t SIP have two aspect; the stock market aspect and life aspect.

Two important things to be taken care of in SIP are periodicity and putting. We periodically put in money that in the end results in a big asset. Likewise do we get in touch with our children and put something positive in their life. Having been sincere with periodicity and putting the other two things to be taken care of, are duration and patience. The stock market is cyclic in nature; it creates highs and lows, tops and bottoms. One should have patience and not be moved by the market moves, over and above this; one should continue investing over a longer duration.

In life too one should have a periodic dialogue with his children putting in positivity over a long duration of time. Dealing with the child one may face consent or dissent, an acceptance or a rejection, a smile or a frown, laughter or a cry. Obedience or disobedience, excellent performance or under-performance, the bottom line is one need to have patience.

If in a gathering, someone whom we know passes by without acknowledging, without paying attention, how do we feel? A sympathetic call to our pet sends its tail wagging. If it is so important for our pets, is it not equally important for us human beings. Attention and acknowledgement are essential to human beings.

“Grain by grain forms a mountain, drop by drop forms an ocean”. Day by day one needs to invest time and care, in his or her child’s life.

Now a day there is a paradigm shift from a labor oriented approach to a machine oriented approach. One is seldom wise in selecting between the two. Technology has a host of range to offer and the cartoon channel comes in as an easy option to keep a child occupied. The communication between the child and the TV is a monologue. The TV speaks and the child listens. The child doesn’t have the option to be listened. The child gets obsessed by the cartoon characters. Is one’s child developing?

 

In reality the need of a child is dialogue, an interactive communication. The child is trying to open up and understand the world around. It has many questions, many doubts, many confusions. Are they being answered? Are they being explained? Are they being attended? Are they being sorted out?

Learning happens with questioning, the more you ask, the more you learn. Does your child have an option to question? Does it have a questioning window? A questioning window has twofold benefits. 1. It helps the parents to organize, update and prepare themselves.  2. It slowly and steadily grooms the child’s personality. The windows on the walls when opened bring sunshine and breeze (pleasantness), the questioning windows when opened brings in the transformation of house into a home. 

Everybody buys or builds a house only to get a home at a later stage in life. Have a SIP, when in the market, work on a Systematic Investment Plan, while at home, work on a Sympathetic Investment Plan. See you next time with "Glimpses of love"

SIP-1

Inflation hits hard, the rise in inflation outruns the pay-rise. A common man struggle ceaselessly to arrest it; but in vain. One comes to know that investing in stock market can reduce its effect but stock market is a risky place; one needs to know the nuance of entering the stock market at the right time and quitting it at the right time. No matter how smart one is but the fact remain “Nobody is wiser then the market”. Many have borne the brunt. A financial consultant comes to his rescue with an offer namely “SIP” this is a short form of Systematic Investment Plan where in one invest in small amounts periodically over a long period of time. Financial world calls it an asset building instrument.

One’s money is indirectly invested in the stock market through this scheme, run by a fund manager who knows his job well. The more the duration the time leverage works out well and without strenuous effort one builds an asset; surely a wiser way of doing things.

Once I had been to my friend’s house, like me he too is a forced bachelor. Our families visit us one in every six months.

His wife posed me a question. Why don’t  children listen to their parents? Why do they get angry?    

Children get angry because of uncertainty, because of doubts, because of less confidence. They have a right to be so because of the limited exposure they have. We on the other hand though grown up, having more exposure, more experience, more knowledge, tend to be short tempered and tend to get excited. The child just replicates this. We are just in our conventional mode. The child is surrounded a code of dos and don’ts, we do not give the child a bit of liberty to stretch his hands, to stretch his wish, to stretch his mind, to stretch his heart. Ultimately what come out is anger, and disobedience.

Contemporary times have brought us from undivided families to nuclear families. The need of the day demands the family to have a DIG (Double income group) status, where in both the husband and the wife are earning members. The status rises, the income rises but daily chores of life remains the same and the time (available) on the other hand gets less; almost all DIG families face this. Life seems to be a candle burning on both the ends; with mind messing up, decisiveness diminishing, patience percolating and anger escalating. The parents are in the same frame of mind, the child is angry and the parents are angry, the child is angry because the parents do not understand and the parents are angry because the child doesn’t obey.  

     

April 24, 2013, place Indira Gandhi international airport, terminal 03, it was 10.30 in the morning. Placed on a back to back sitting arrangement, I was lost in reading. A shout from the back pulled me out of the book. A mother was scolding her two to three year old son. Behave yourself, enough is enough, you think you are being smarter, the reality is you are being an Idiot. She kept on repeating those words, shortly her husband arrived and they left. I was deeply disturbed.

Did that lady have a SIP? A SIP to invest in her child's life, is she had one, what would she be investing? 

A SIP in the stock market can help one build a house, and a SIP in life can help one build a home. See you next time with "SIP-2"