GLIMPSES OF UNDERSTANDING

Education is a serious concern in India. Especially when the child is in grade 10 or 12. A bit of negligence can mislead a child’s life and liking. A child’s parents are much concerned; a slight change in the behavior pattern of the child puts them on the alert and restlessness.

It was Dec, 2003. The schools were coming to a close for the reading vacation. One day after dinner my wife expressed her concern over our son Vinayak. She said he is less interested in studies now a day. I find him whiling away time. He is in tenth grade and should work hard to get the line of his choice. Since last few weeks he doesn't take reading seriously. I told her that I will look into the matter. 

The next week I closely observed him and found my wife’s observation come true. Few days later I called him and said I wanted to talk to you. As he sat beside me I told him, at this moment consider me as your friend not as your father, tell me whatever is in your mind, pleasant or unpleasant anything would be acceptable to me.

He opened up, few weeks back I was with my friends, one of them opened up a topic on unemployment, there was long debate, in the end we left with a sad note, studies do not interest me now, there is so much of unemployment in the society, many graduates continue to stay unemployed and therefore it does not make sense getting a graduation.  

    

Affectionately I said, may god bless every parent with a son like you. He was astonished to hear this remark. I told him still there is time for you to shoulder my responsibility. When I will grow weak, I will myself ask you to shoulder my responsibility. As of now let us share my responsibility. Let me bother about investing in your education and I would request you to bother about your studies only, nothing but studies. Look at your mother she bothers about bringing meals on the table and I bother about bringing money at home.

Since that day, his journey took a slow but steady start. He pursued Aeronautical Engineering. He was more friendly and I was less fatherly.  Openness was the order of the day. He was free to express his opinion. Once he came up with a wish saying some day he would like to own a PULZAR, a newly introduced bike by Bajaj. I agreed. During his graduation I many a time reminded him, let us go and buy one. He always denied saying I will tell you at the appropriate time. He cleared his Masters in June 2012 with excellent grades. He was true then and he stood true now. Things hadn't changed. Campus interview didn't happen. He and his friends struggled to find a job. Any place he went, the employer asked for experience. Few places he attended the interview the experienced guys got selected. Finally after seven months he now serves DRDL and is now settled.

He still doesn't have a bike; I want to gift him one, on his birthday but he keeps on denying. He says it has been a long time, years on years; you have been fulfilling all my wishes with a smile. During that time I didn’t understand the value of Rupee but now when I am in the market to earn my livelihood, I realize what it takes to earn a rupee. I want to leave my life within my means.

I don't know from where he got this understanding but with every sunrise i find him more matured with every sunset i find him more calm.

GLIMPSES OF LOVE

God created human being, and endowed him with a pair of ears; but he did not create them alone, they were created along with a wish. From the day they were created them to the day they will be buried, they long for one thing. They always and always expect somebody, to say “I LOVE YOU”. Everyone is not lucky enough to listen this; but the presence of love can be experienced by us by observing action of the persons around you. So what if love doesn’t get translated into a verbal language, so what if it cannot fill the space in your ears, love has a different language and it is capable to fill the space around you and within you.

Two great personalities of pre and post independence era of India; Pandit Jawaharlal Nehru and Sardar Vallabhbhai Patel both had few similarities in life.

Nehru in 1916 married Kamala. In 1936 Kamala died at a young age of 37 due to tuberculosis. Nehru never remarried. Indira Gandhi the only child of Jawaharlal Nehru served as the Chief of Staff of her father's highly centralized administration between 1947 and 1964

Sardar Patel's was married to Jhaverba. In 1909, Jhaverba was hospitalized for a major surgical cancer operation. Her health suddenly worsened and despite successful emergency surgery, she died in the hospital. Patel himself decided against marrying again. Sardar Patel’s daughter Maniben stood by her father participated in the Non-Cooperation movement and the Salt Satyagraha. In the 1930s she became her father's personal aide, also caring for his personal needs. She served her father closely until his death in 1950.

Kiran Bedi, the first and highest ranking Indian woman who served Indian Police Service, was once asked. Would she like to be reborn? She replied “Only if she had the same parents.”

Bhumika my daughter, has some other plans, she is dedicated to disturb me if I am seriously lost in something; may be reading a newspaper or mending something. She wants to make her presence felt, she expects my attention.

Once I asked her let us assemble for lunch, she told, I am fasting today, I asked her, for what? She didn’t reply. Next week the same day she was there with us for the lunch. I inquired are you not fasting today? She said my fasting is rewarded. I asked, what is it? She coolly replied “You got selected for the job”. This little soul knew nothing big, but it knew, it could fast.

Before getting married she has once again demanded attention, reunion of family so that she can have quality time, she knows she is just and I know I need to respect.

Understanding concerns spread, and love concerns depth; we say he is a man of great understanding and she is deeply in love with him. Daughters never grow old and their love never gets shallow. Daughters are oceans of love, oceans have depth and so deep is the love of a daughter.

See you next time with "Glimpses of Understanding"

SIP-2

Engineering has two aspects, the pure aspect and the applied aspect, the classroom aspect and the field aspect likewise why can’t SIP have two aspect; the stock market aspect and life aspect.

Two important things to be taken care of in SIP are periodicity and putting. We periodically put in money that in the end results in a big asset. Likewise do we get in touch with our children and put something positive in their life. Having been sincere with periodicity and putting the other two things to be taken care of, are duration and patience. The stock market is cyclic in nature; it creates highs and lows, tops and bottoms. One should have patience and not be moved by the market moves, over and above this; one should continue investing over a longer duration.

In life too one should have a periodic dialogue with his children putting in positivity over a long duration of time. Dealing with the child one may face consent or dissent, an acceptance or a rejection, a smile or a frown, laughter or a cry. Obedience or disobedience, excellent performance or under-performance, the bottom line is one need to have patience.

If in a gathering, someone whom we know passes by without acknowledging, without paying attention, how do we feel? A sympathetic call to our pet sends its tail wagging. If it is so important for our pets, is it not equally important for us human beings. Attention and acknowledgement are essential to human beings.

“Grain by grain forms a mountain, drop by drop forms an ocean”. Day by day one needs to invest time and care, in his or her child’s life.

Now a day there is a paradigm shift from a labor oriented approach to a machine oriented approach. One is seldom wise in selecting between the two. Technology has a host of range to offer and the cartoon channel comes in as an easy option to keep a child occupied. The communication between the child and the TV is a monologue. The TV speaks and the child listens. The child doesn’t have the option to be listened. The child gets obsessed by the cartoon characters. Is one’s child developing?

 

In reality the need of a child is dialogue, an interactive communication. The child is trying to open up and understand the world around. It has many questions, many doubts, many confusions. Are they being answered? Are they being explained? Are they being attended? Are they being sorted out?

Learning happens with questioning, the more you ask, the more you learn. Does your child have an option to question? Does it have a questioning window? A questioning window has twofold benefits. 1. It helps the parents to organize, update and prepare themselves.  2. It slowly and steadily grooms the child’s personality. The windows on the walls when opened bring sunshine and breeze (pleasantness), the questioning windows when opened brings in the transformation of house into a home. 

Everybody buys or builds a house only to get a home at a later stage in life. Have a SIP, when in the market, work on a Systematic Investment Plan, while at home, work on a Sympathetic Investment Plan. See you next time with "Glimpses of love"

SIP-1

Inflation hits hard, the rise in inflation outruns the pay-rise. A common man struggle ceaselessly to arrest it; but in vain. One comes to know that investing in stock market can reduce its effect but stock market is a risky place; one needs to know the nuance of entering the stock market at the right time and quitting it at the right time. No matter how smart one is but the fact remain “Nobody is wiser then the market”. Many have borne the brunt. A financial consultant comes to his rescue with an offer namely “SIP” this is a short form of Systematic Investment Plan where in one invest in small amounts periodically over a long period of time. Financial world calls it an asset building instrument.

One’s money is indirectly invested in the stock market through this scheme, run by a fund manager who knows his job well. The more the duration the time leverage works out well and without strenuous effort one builds an asset; surely a wiser way of doing things.

Once I had been to my friend’s house, like me he too is a forced bachelor. Our families visit us one in every six months.

His wife posed me a question. Why don’t  children listen to their parents? Why do they get angry?    

Children get angry because of uncertainty, because of doubts, because of less confidence. They have a right to be so because of the limited exposure they have. We on the other hand though grown up, having more exposure, more experience, more knowledge, tend to be short tempered and tend to get excited. The child just replicates this. We are just in our conventional mode. The child is surrounded a code of dos and don’ts, we do not give the child a bit of liberty to stretch his hands, to stretch his wish, to stretch his mind, to stretch his heart. Ultimately what come out is anger, and disobedience.

Contemporary times have brought us from undivided families to nuclear families. The need of the day demands the family to have a DIG (Double income group) status, where in both the husband and the wife are earning members. The status rises, the income rises but daily chores of life remains the same and the time (available) on the other hand gets less; almost all DIG families face this. Life seems to be a candle burning on both the ends; with mind messing up, decisiveness diminishing, patience percolating and anger escalating. The parents are in the same frame of mind, the child is angry and the parents are angry, the child is angry because the parents do not understand and the parents are angry because the child doesn’t obey.  

     

April 24, 2013, place Indira Gandhi international airport, terminal 03, it was 10.30 in the morning. Placed on a back to back sitting arrangement, I was lost in reading. A shout from the back pulled me out of the book. A mother was scolding her two to three year old son. Behave yourself, enough is enough, you think you are being smarter, the reality is you are being an Idiot. She kept on repeating those words, shortly her husband arrived and they left. I was deeply disturbed.

Did that lady have a SIP? A SIP to invest in her child's life, is she had one, what would she be investing? 

A SIP in the stock market can help one build a house, and a SIP in life can help one build a home. See you next time with "SIP-2"

GENERATION GAP

It is time the child is knocking the doors of puberty and is on the point of experiencing the arrival of sweet teens, during this phase the body experiences a rapid physical and psychological growth. Puberty is followed by adolescence, the point of entering adulthood. As such there is no demarcating line separating puberty and adolescence.

  

Thoughts start consolidating and the teenager starts have a firm belief of its own on an issue, on a topic, it can be an event too.

When the teenager’s belief and the belief of its parent do not match, when their opinion differ, we call it “GENERATION GAP”

As the name suggests it is a gap between two generations; namely the preceding generation and the succeeding generation, the elder generation and the younger generation.

The younger generation operates, focusing on the future. The elder generation operates,  referring to the past. The younger generation operates on hopes, the elder generation operates on experience.

One sees the need of a smartphone, the other needs an instrument to talk, one sees the need of high end laptop the other sees the need of an accounting and a computing machine. Both may be right but then does it address the prevailing generation gap?

Time changes, values change, perceptions change and along with it change the needs. Bicycle was a luxury then, car is a necessity now; landline was a luxury then, smartphone is a necessity now; graduation was respectable then, doctorate is common now; flying was a dream then, frequent flying is a reality now.

In the Indian culture one of the names of the world we live in is (sansar) its elaboration is (sansarti iti sansar). It means that which is change all the time. The only permanent thing about this world is “It is permanently changing”. In short it is dynamic.

Once a friend of mine happened to travel by train, no sooner did he enter the platform, he saw that the train had already started moving. Now to get on board what should my friend do? He should run, isn’t it? but then, how fast? Obviously a little faster than the train.

Here lies the answer, to be in touch with a dynamic thing you need to be dynamic, not only dynamic but dynamic to the right extent if we want to board the train. It is not only about being physically dynamic, equal emphasis should be laid on being dynamic mentally. 

The younger generation is dynamic, they are always up to something, the pool of energy within them renders them restless. 

Youth is a symbol of energy and old age is a symbol of wisdom. Let the younger generation and the elder generation join hands together, to minimize, to nullify the Generation Gap and synergize  a better tomorrow, a better life and a better world.

THE BEGINNING

For the cozily floating fetus in the sac of amniotic fluid inside a mother’s womb; the fourth month marks the commencement of the functioning of its certain systems. Then on till the time of birth the fetus prepares itself for the world it is going to face. Few moments after birth when the baby lies besides the mother with its sparkling white eyes, little does it know about the world and people around. The world seems to be full of strange things, things unknown to it. The only thing a new born does is, data collection; data in the form of sound, data in the form of visuals and data in the form of behavior.

Like every living being, at instances it sees threat and at times feels hungry. The only solution it knows of, is to hide itself in its mother’s bosom, the moment it clings with its arms gripping, eyes shut and face deep inside, it senses that the tuning of its body resonates with the body it is clinging to, somewhere down within itself it finds this is the same body which, in not so distant past provided it with warmth, nutrition and safety.

Time rolls on and it finds that there is somebody whom its mother listens to and obeys. It is its father. Curiosity at its peak the process of exploring continues. Psychologists say a child develops its personality fully between the age of three and five. Thereafter whatever it does is just superficial.

It is time for the child to go to school. Kindergarten is about playing, singing, snacking and relating to other than family members. The child’s world expands suddenly. When he comes home he has so much to say and so much to express. Marching ahead it find its teacher is the school is more impressive. When the parents tell a child to do something; it immediately replies “No, no it is not right, my teacher say it to do it the other way”

The kindergarten life passes on swiftly and those tiny totters are no more so, they have advanced to the primary section. Here the groups are formed by natural selection; the fast pacers, the medium pacers and the slow pacers. These groups are formed based on their ability to understand, interpret, execute and deliver a task given to them.

In a class when the teacher is explaining, few gaze out of the classroom window, majority listen to the teacher attentively and the remaining few pretend to be attentive.

The few who gaze out of the window into the playground are quick learners, when the teacher goes slow in explaining things caring for others, these few are uninterested and hence gaze out of the window.

The majority who are attentive listener do not want to miss out a single thing when the teacher is explaining.

The remaining few who pretend to be attentive are those who find it difficult even when the teacher is trying her best.

At times the teacher faces difficulty handling all the three groups together. All parents want their child to excel and shine but for those with whom it doesn't happen, it becomes a cause of worry. 

When it becomes a cause of worry, when anger erupts and the child protests or succumbs, it is time for caution. See you next time with views on "Generation Gap"