MENTORING AS I SAW

The affinity of sodium to oxygen is such that if put in water it spontaneously combines with oxygen in the molecule of water. Carbon needs heat to combine with oxygen. Some elements need pressure and some need a catalyst for the reaction to happen. The inert elements never react. Reaction is all about forming a bond; it may be strong or weak. 

On the first day as a guest at the Elite Toastmasters Club I found Toastmasters a better platform to express ideas. I enter Toastmasters for two reasons, firstly for creativity secondly to hone my speaking skill. In the Toastmasters a members is formally assigned a mentor. Soon came the contest, I participated and lost. Having put in the best of my learning when the results don’t come through, it means I missed somewhere. I tried to understand reasons related to my failure through paying a visit to many senior Toastmasters, but in vain.

Not losing hope, I continued to learn. This learning started reflecting while I was on the podium and, then started coming, the assignment on mentoring; mentoring Youth Leaders and club members.

In jobbing it is the same raw material with a given specification on which a repetitive processing is done to get a predetermined product of desired specification.

In mentoring it is not so; every time you get a mentee with a different specification it can be: a boy, a girl, a man, a woman, adventurous, non-adventurous, receptive to ideas, partially receptive to ideas, married, bachelor and so on and so forth. All these specification help one to build a mentoring plan. For a club member a mentor also needs to look at why is he in for and whether he would prefer fast track, a medium paced track or a slow track.

Having set a plan, then comes its execution. Sincerity in execution sets the mentor- mentee relation in good tone. Mentoring is different from taking a lecture of mathematics, physics, chemistry or zoology. It always demands creativity, something new always. This is what keeps the mentee glued with you. He starts enjoying being with you, learning from you; on the other hand the you too get enriched. A mentor is able to see his mentee shaping up. It does not necessary imply that the mentee also sees the same.  

It is with this wisdom that I had to push a mentee through the contest. The aftermath of the contest left him with no words. He was holding a trophy in his hand. The mentor sees what the mentee does not see. One more similar incident did take place with a different mentee. A mentee sees inability, a mentor sees ability. It is a paradigm shift in perception.

At times a mentor is required to work on other end to get things done on this end; that brings in sound connectivity and induces confidence in the relationship.

A teacher teaches, a trainer trains, a coach coaches and a doctor dispenses but a mentor walks an extra mile. Mentoring is a relation which starts on a simple note but doesn't end, but doesn't die; once a mentor, always a mentor. Mentoring is all about creating affinity for learning, up keeping affinity for learning.

Mentoring a spectrum of people ranging from teachers to students (college and school) and industrial to non-industrial employees has been a rewarding experience for me.

THE STORY OF SAMINA MAZHER

“Love my love, where are you?" was my biggest flop speech. The audience understood all other aspect of the speech except the aspect that I wanted them to understand. The central character of the speech is a lady in “VEIL”. The veil in the speech epitomizes separation of two personalities. Close on the heels of an apparent personality there exists a hidden personality which goes unnoticed. More often, there is more than what appears to the eyes; it may be appealing, interesting and appreciable.

While the periodic table was being worked upon and elements were being randomly discovered; at times a gap between two elements would predict a missing element.

My flop speech too; was a prediction, which rose from the depth of my belief and Samina comes in as a befitting example to it. Far from being a woman entrepreneur, a teacher, a mother of a collegian son and a schooling daughter, the student in her is still alive.

2011, Area 63 contest provided an opportunity to work together; I was the chief judge and she the contest chair. It was a last minute assignment but she was not deterred instead committed to work it out and give her best. At the contest she performed flawlessly and the contest ended hassle free.

All around us we have deserving and nearly deserving persons; slight boosting, a bit of motivation, an ounce of encouragement aided with an opportunity would set them rolling on their path of success and progress. I am always on the hunt for such people and never miss an opportunity to offer an assignment and in line with this, once I offered to help her complete her communication manual.

Unaware of her priorities I kept on pursuing from time to time. It was only around Nov 2013 that she was comfortable setting out time for herself to the extent of 06 hours per week. I too, was hard pressed with time. We both were optimistic and we started with CC-04, developing the speech in line with the objectives of the project and then rehearsing on it. She mused working with words, feeling the spirit behind the words and expressing her feelings.  As the project neared perfection of delivery I would start looking for speech slots in different clubs. Along with working on the project she had also to simultaneously be focused on the UCMAS ABACUS classes and the flow of events there. The preparation for those events would demand time, attentions, and energy on personal level and leadership skills while guiding her class instructors at the team level. Justice to the quantum of work that she dealt with would not have been possible without the caring and tireless support of her husband Mazher Hussain.

We were able to complete three projects, the fourth project was ready but work at the UCMAS ABACUS again demanded her attention. Practice sessions were yet to happen. Life is so; we strive to progress, life strives to regress; in time we experience a tug of war, sometimes a push and sometimes a pull. A series of such pushes and pulls makes what we call life. All such pushes and pulls provide us lessons to learn and paths to plan. To me, every click of the clock makes life beautiful and there is something new to learn, The few weeks spend in mentoring  Samina has strengthened my belief and given me joy of having done something constructive.

LEAVING THE OFFICE

Planning and persistence has been the key area of my focus when I take up any work, but these areas are related to smooth nature of tasks. Some tasks creep up suddenly demanding quick address and so prioritizing becomes another key area. My profession “Training” pertains to service sector and therefore customer satisfaction becomes more important. My job demands efficient handling of persistence, planning and prioritization.

Heading for the days end, every minute passing by counts and I get more focused in my work, the target that I set at the start of the day needs to be completed. These targets are self-set in anticipation of the work that needs to be finished by a target date.

A white board hang on the wall on which certain statistical data are displayed, these data are updated every day at the time I leave my office. It relieves me from answering anybody who comes looking for them. Someday I am able to complete all set-task and achieve the target. A feeling of joy and satisfaction grips when all of the tasks get done right on time; all days are not same and sometimes a backlog happens which automatically sets the target for the next day. At times I get so much engrossed in work that it takes Abdullah to remind me “Dear it’s TTGH” (Time to go home). Sometimes his flavor of calling off a day would would change and would ask me “Whether I am going home or not?”. That ends the day with laughter. The computers are shut down, air conditioned switched off and the door shut.

Me and Abdullah climb down the staircase and arrive on the road, the sun is bright and comparatively soft, he is gentler now a day. It is a five minute walk to gate # 04. Having crossed the gate, wishing each other good bye (Masalama) we approach our cars.

Though being in the open for more than 08 hours; this lady (Toyota, Yaris) has been waiting patiently till now, she is a bit excited and I need to cool her down. I pull down the glasses to ventilate her anger (the trapped hot air) and slowly joggle the key into the ignition lock. She has been an excellent companion on the road, never ditched me and always made commuting an enjoyable experience. 

Gate 04 is left behind and I am on the verge of taking highway # 218; approximately 800 meters towards Jubail 02, I have to take a left turn to join the Al-Khafji-Dammam highway.   A matter of few minutes can increase the traffic on the highway as employees from the industrial area rush to reach home. Once shouldn’t be surprised if a car behind flashes light asking one to give way even if there isn’t. One needs to get accustomed to the road realities of Saudi Arabia.

Saudi Arabia is known for oil, for two holy mosques, for dates and for highest number of road accidents. Driving is a passion for Saudis, I saw a video on car driving, showcasing a dare devil feat which no person of any other nationality can do.  On the highway I could see some tyre marks, may be these are marks of such feats. It has been windy today. A gust of wind at times push my car on one side; I need to be cautious not to dash into the car beside me.

Within few moments I will take the exit and be on the King Faisal West road. The round-about is an accident prone area; having passed it, few minutes of driving takes me to my building. Yes I could see the gate of my building; as she comes to halt again I need to pat her. Once in the home it would be time for a hot cup of ginger tea, news and getting lost in my own world till next morning.

Day in and day out as I commute from home to office and office to home, I find that Saudi men are white (Tope) and women are black (Abaya), whether is hot and the roads are wide, economy is rich and people are generous.

Not to forget Saudi Arabia is a land of opportunities and surprises.

REACHING THE OFFICE

It is darkness all around, can’t see anything but I can feel myself, slowly regaining consciousness, deep sleep has just started phasing out but still I am gripped in its hang over. The alarm set in the mobile blares up cautioning me “time and tide wait for none” and you need to leave your bed. I have been many a time asked in the table topics “Is technology a boon or a bane?” I have always felt it to be a boon and the snooze button comes on friendly. The second time I press the stop button I am fully awake.

The whole night during the sleep the body was busy digesting dinner and working on various systems. The acceptability of a drug and cleansing of toxic is most favored by the body during sleep; perhaps that is why god made sleep and night. An urge to have a ginger flavored tea is intensifying. I let the tea brew on the stove so that the essence of tea and ginger are extracted to make my morning unique. 

Positioned in the chair I wish to make the most of the moment and the tea which has mischievous intentions of tinkling my nostrils by its aroma that emanates from its captivity. Tea sessions used to be joint affairs in the past. It has been years it happens to be a lonely affairs. However she is still there in the realms of my memory but she doesn't talk with me. Living a lonely life for a long time leaves you in a love affair; yes I have started loving my loneliness. As the last sip disappears and the cup turns empty it is time for me to get fresh.   

Few minutes later as I stand in front of my blue lady (Toyota, Yaris) she appears sparkling new and ready to receive me; perhaps Kohinoor gave her a bath late night. I often remember the caution on the cartoon box “Fragile, handle with care”, ladies and cars are alike. If handled with care the live long and they live lively.

Once at the wheels a gentle push on the throttle sets her in motion. I take the Jeddah street up to the four way crossing near Khonaini pharmacy, I need to turn right and take the King Faisal West Street. There are long lines of palm trees in the center and sides of this street. Saudi Arabia is a land of surprises. Within minutes the climate can turn windy, the roads can turn sandy, the air can turn humid and a barren roadside can turn palmy (with palm trees) overnight. The authorities crane-lift big palm trees and plant it on the road sides. There are labors in Saudi Arabia but the main approach remains machine oriented.

I am heading in the opposite direction but once I reach the Anabeeb office I will take the service road and join the main traffic of highway leading to Al-Khafji residential area. It will put me in the right direction.

The dyke of the service road is silted with heaps of sand; a stretch of approximately 700 meters. I am on the verge of joining the main stream traffic of Al-Khafji highway, one needs to be cautious while entering a high speed traffic. I have positioned myself in the middle lane; the odometer indicating between 100 and 110 kms and the rpm around 2500. Jubail one has started appearing. Within minutes I will be taking exit 04 climbing the ramp and on the Highway 218 with joins Jubail 01 and Jubail 02.

I am on the highway # 218;  my office just two signals away; a left turn and then again a left brings me in front of Gate # 04. I pull my foot off the throttle and my lady slows down eventually coming to a halt. I pat her on the steering for keeping company. 

I walk through the gate wishing "Salam (Hello)" to the security guard. It is the receding phase of winter. The whole week it has been cool and pleasant. The mild breeze lifting and dropping the tuft of hair on my forehead; my cheeks going cool, I have reached building # 18, smiles and wishes from my colleagues fill the ambiance. Abdullah is there with his Saaba Al-Kher((Good morning), Kay Falik (How are you?), Tayeeb (OK?); good motivations to start a day, my had stretched and fingers switching the computer on and get lost in the days work. See you later with "Leaving the Office"

THE STORY OF SAMRIDH

When difficulties come; they come not single, they come in hordes. This saying turned out to be a reality for Venkat Devrajan, the chief coordinator of YLP. It is only the chief coordinator who bears the brunt when an unwanted or an undesired circumstance is encountered. Disregarding technical difficulties and resource shortfall, handling around 30 youth leaders is a challenging job. A job that can send one’s night sleepless and one’s stress escalated. Absence of a mentor increases one’s worries double fold. One more mentor had to leave the kingdom on emergency reasons. Time and tide wait for none; any shortage of resources hard or soft had to be met. A mentor had to be arranged for youth leader Samridh.

Apart from Toastmastering I and Venkat were good friends, I already had three mentees, but there was no other way left. I was asked to help Samridh; I consented.

Generally elders put big ideas and tall talks before the children. They forget that the person to whom they are talking is not big as they are, as big as them in experience, as big as them in thinking, as big as them in ideology. Every child is different and each one needs to be dealt differently. One can get a thing done from a child but the other child perhaps needs a different way to accomplish the same. Certain traits of person are inborn or habitual. Say for example accent, proper pronunciation is essentially important in the delivery of a speech. A slight variation can alter the meaning of an idea or can confuse the listener, one has very little control over it and overcoming it may require a long time. Accent has its roots in the family he belong to or to the region he is from.

The same day Samridh and his father visited me in the evening. He had brought along with him his speech. No sooner did we settled down he expressed that he didn’t like the speech, he didn’t enjoy the speech and it would be difficult for him to deliver that speech.

I asked “what is the thing that you like the most?”, he replied “Cricket”, I continued how if your speech starts with cricket that too with a climax scene. He immediately agreed. Leaving the speech with me the father and son went home wearing a smile, the father with satisfaction that his son’s worry was gone and the son with an assurance that I will be doing a speech of my liking. 

The next day we started rehearsing. I would explain him the pace of word, and the instance to raise and lower it, the emotion expressed by the pace. I also would explain him the importance of pauses in a speech and how they added value to the speech, instilled confidence in the speaker and casted an impression on the audience.

Some children involuntarily happen to be themselves, they would listen to you but when they perform you can’t see much difference in their later performance and the previous performance. It is not that they don’t want to but it simply doesn't happen. The best solution is to give time and work persistently. 

Samridh happened to be himself. Working with him, I liked his commitment and the contentment that he carried while he performed. He did complete his project successfully. Irrespective of the quantum of learning. I know all children learn but with varying pace. For me it was an opportunity for understanding Samridh.

THE STORY OF SREEJA

Learning, teaching and facilitating are the three phases of life and the same happens in the Toastmasters too. As a speaker you first learn the basic tools of communication, you implement them in the advance communication, teach them during evaluation and later on facilitate teaching by conducting a Youth Leadership Program or a Speech Craft Program. This is one of the requirements of the Advance Communication Gold and the person who conducts this program is the chief coordinator.

YLP is a series of 12 events spanning over 3 months being conducted every week and during these period come numerous problems, expected and unexpected. Some of them are manageable and some beyond ones control. Around 25 to 30 school children ranging from standard 8 to 12 are selected. There are approximately half the number of mentors who assist these children with their assignments. 

Youth Leadership Program is a very tight-scheduled program. A participant cannot afford missing a single session; Sreeja a youth leader had fallen sick and was diagnosed for chicken pox; she had missed 4 sessions but timely medical attention helped her recover soon and she wished to pursue the program. Venkat Devrajan the chief coordinator of the program was a worried man. Sreeja’s recovery was a point for him to rejoice but he had an equally opposite point to regret. Sreeja’s mentor had to leave the kingdom on an emergency leave; the big question was who would guide her? She required special attention and more guidance without further delay.

It was Friday afternoon, I received a call, Venkat was on the other end of the line. He continued: I have nothing to say but a request to make, can you help me out? I agreed. He asked if I could mentor one more child. I accepted. He explained me the case of Sreeja and expected me to act fast, he wanted me to reach him at his house and from there we together would visit her house.

Fifteen minutes later we were at Sreeja’s house, her family seated around hoping their daughter to get back in action. I was expected to help her with the International Speech. I asked if she had done some preparatory work on it. She replied in affirmation. Having talked with her to know her wish, hopes and commitment I asked her to send me the script. I would develop it and send it back to her. The next day we would be starting the rehearsal, by then she was asked to memorize it. 

That day, I worked till late in the evening and sent her the developed speech with a note to see her tomorrow evening at 05.00 pm. The next day at her home when we started the rehearsal, I found her facing difficulty in pronouncing certain words in the speech. Every person carries the dialect of his or her mother tongue. Very few are exceptions to it Sreeja too had the same problem. I decided to replace the tougher words with tougher words with softer words. I corrected the words and sent the speech to her.

The next day when I went to her house for the rehearsal, she continued with the tougher version. I asked her the reason. She simply said, she would prefer the tougher version. with everyday practice, the difficulty started disappearing and on the final day she made it; she was selected as the best speaker. Without bothering about the results all she knew was to believe in herself, believe in her mentor and give her best, the rest she left to GOD. See you next time with the STORY OF SAMRIDH. 

THE STORY OF AMATUL SAFI

It was May 2010, YLP mood at the Jubail Toastmasters Club. Venkat Devrajan was the Chief Coordinator. I was asked to mentor two children one of which was Amatul Safi the daughter of Mr. Mahmood and Mrs. Tahera Mahmood. Amatul had a younger brother who was a karate kid and his watchfulness seemed to me a trait of it. The family belonged to the state of Orissa in India.

As soon as the mentors were fixed, like every caring mother does, I received a call from Mrs. Tahera Mahmood so that the family could have a formal talk and get introduced with each other. Children are often shy when it comes to talking to a stranger and especially when it is a girl child. A girl child would always insist her mother to take the lead and set things right for her; the same was the case here. Mrs. Tahera, when she found that I was well versed with Hindi, she was happy for the reason that the communication during mentoring would not be a concern of worry.

The rendez-vous at their house started with a warm welcome. As we all settled down, Labeeb, Safi’s younger brother sat beside me. I gave them the primary explanation of what was Youth Leadership program. What were the phases Amatul we would be going through. There were four things to be done, first the ice-breaker speech, second the international speech, third the evaluation and lastly table topics.

The ice-breaker is a collection of memorable glimpses of one’s life. It is a self-introductory speech of 04 to 06 minutes. She did it well. Generally children find it easy to write about themselves but the real difficulty appears in writing an International speech; an international speech is a persuasive speech, a motivational speech or an inspirational speech.

One fine day I received a call from Mrs. Tahera asking me to help her out. As I inquired about the problem she told me that her daughter was complaining about not paying attention to her needs and that she preferred younger child Labeeb over her. Amatul wanted her mother to help her select a topic and a plot for the international speech; both were confused. I suggested why not consider the current scenario in the house for the speech content. I asked Amatul to write her feeling in whatever way she can. She eagerly wrote it and I meticulously developed it.

The story starts with a girl (Amatul) having preconceived thoughts, it revolves around an elderly character. At first she questions herself “What does a girl of 17 have in common with a man of 57?” she ignores this elderly figure who is her father’s friend whom she had never seen before. Few remarks from the elderly figure interests her and is drawn closer, later on she gets transformed and takes the right path. The story line was much closer to Amatul’s heart. I could she her best come out through her body language, command over English and well rehearsed delivery. She bagged the best speaker trophy. 

During the rehearsal Labeeb, Amatul's brother was a keen observer, and very much into it. He kept guessing about the elderly character (His father's friend); how come Amatul knows him and he doesn't? To quench his curiosity he surfed the net many times but couldn't get the answer. Unable to resist, he finally asked my "Who that person was?" I replied "it was me". The whole house bursted into laughter.

See you next time with THE STORY OF SREEJA.